helpless

i hate feeling helpless in a situation. all i can do is sit here and cry. i apologize and still all i can do is nothing but sit and wait. when i requested space i was met with an ultimatum and a threat. but when they want space all i can do is sit here and wait. why? this isn't fair.

busy day today

well so far i am staying true to one of my new year's resolutions. i need to be more dedicated to the other two though. i started working out this week and so far so good. i do about 30 minutes of yoga/strength training on my wii fit. then i ride my exercise bike for about 20-25 minutes each morning. exercise really does cause you to be in a better mood :) i just have to strive to keep up with this routine and get it more advanced as time goes on. when i start school in a couple weeks i know i will be reading more and focused a lot on that. i'm really excited to get started too! i think i have everything i need and i am ready to go! spending time in the word is proving challenging, though it has always proven challenging for me. i have a couple books that help me, i just have to dedicate myself to reading them. also just the reminder that i will grow closer to God in reading His word should give me the motivation i need. i just have to remind myself of that fact! i miss church too, i have to talk to chris about getting sundays off again... new year's was nice and calm this year. beau and i went to our friend zach's house. a few brews, a board game, and fireworks at midnight made it quite enjoyable :) i like low key nights like that. spent my day off today cleaning the house and running tons of errands. i was finally able to use my gift card from the gap that my mom gave me for Christmas. i was in desperate need for new pants since i've lost weight. so i was able to get 2 pairs of jeans and they are a size 10!!! i haven't been a size 10 since i was in 7th grade!! i feel great and now i just have to maintain this weight (which is the hardest part). now i have to finish laundry. then it's time to kick back and relax with a movie. good day today :)