in a blah type of mood

well now that the 2nd day off of work (out of 3) for me is about to end, i don't have much to show for it. i spent all day yesterday in my room watching season 3 of heroes. today me and beau did some running around, but nothing note worthy of being productive. tomorrow i have church and i'm planning on making dinner, so that will be nice. i was supposed to make dinner tonight, come to find out my uncle danny was over and him and my dad were watching football and eating hot wings. so there went that. i feel really lost on what i'm supposed to do now. i'm still looking for a 2nd and even 3rd job to fill time and the income shortage this household is now in. but until that happens, i'm bored. i'm all done with school and it feels weird to not be anticipating going back in a week or so. i'm happy i'm done, but it's like, school has been my life for the last 18 years, now what? get a job right? again, easier said than done. most of my friends have full time jobs or school, so i don't get out much. i hate leaving my house when i have no plans though, just in case my dad needs me. and sadly my house provides too many stupid distractions for me to do anything productive or of use. i have care group on monday nights now which i'm very thankful for. and exploring christianity starts soon too, which will occupy my wednesday nights. it's just once again, i'm in a rut, but this time. it's not of my own making and unfortunately this time, i can't will myself out without leaving my dad. and i can't do that. God has been pouring his grace over me through this time, but i think the reality of me not being able to escape this situation right now is finally settling in, and i'm feeling blah. not depressed or angry or even really sad, just blah..... i don't even know if this makes sense. sometimes i wish i was more disciplined with things..... it's all a matter of wanting to be so. and the recognition of not being lazy anymore. that's a really hard thing to do when you always feel exhausted.